You're Not Really Pro-Life, Are You?

     There exists in the world so much hate, so much judgement, so much simplifying of deep and complex issues. So much skewing of the facts, so much talking about topics that one knows nothing about, has never experienced, and in fact does not care to actually do anything about. 

     In the past couple of years since becoming a nurse, many of my experiences in Guatemala and Honduras have troubled me. There are children born day in and day out into horrendous circumstances, growing up to perpetuate those same circumstances they were born into. And there aren't enough people willing to help; to reduce the rate of unintended pregnancy and to help those in crisis pregnancy situations. I've lost count now of how many months my mind has been spinning, trying to think of solutions to this deep and complex issue. 

     Recently, I watched the first episode of Season 8 of Call the Midwife, a series based on the real life of Jennifer Worth who was a midwife to the underserved population in east London in the 1950s- 1960s. This series deals with the realities of life, the harsh realities. And when I watch an episode, my mind always spins. With this newest episode, my mind continued to spin with this deep and complex topic that I mentioned above. 

     And I have been seeing, everywhere I turn, that not everyone who is anti-abortion is also pro-life. In fact, I would argue that most of the former are not the latter.

     In the textbook Women's Gynecologic Health by Schuiling and Likis (2017), the authors explain the following:

"Significant disparities in rates of unintended pregnancy and abortion in United States have been identified. Women who are between the ages of 18 and 24, unmarried, Latina or Black, with incomes less than 200% of the federal poverty level, or without a high school diploma experience both of these reproductive health events at disproportionate levels relative to older, married, white, more affluent or more educated women... a majority of women (61%) who have abortions have had one or more previous births (p. 415)." 

     These facts tell me that whether abortion is legal or illegal isn't the problem. Abortion is illegal in Honduras and largely illegal in Guatemala (only permitted if the life of the mother is in danger). But abortion still exists in these two countries, and many women die because it is done in an unsafe and unregulated manner. Just as pro-gun advocates argue that strict gun laws won't decrease mass shootings or prevent "bad" people from having guns, use the same logic here: making abortion illegal won't stop abortion. It's not stopping, even where it's illegal. 
     Yes, laws can help bring safety and order. It may reduce the number of abortions, but that does not solve the actual problem of why the abortion was deemed the best option in the first place. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Morality cannot be legislated, but behavior can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart, but they can restrain the heartless." This is a reason why laws can help. But with abortion, we must look deeper; we must not see these woman as "heartless" or "immoral." Many times, it is not even the mother's choice, but rather she is forced, as reproductive coercion is all too common.

     What if we stopped looking at this issue from a legal/illegal standpoint, and starting looking at it from a standpoint of trying to solve the problem from the root of the issue? Women and girls in crisis pregnancy need support. The statistics stated above tell us who is most at risk for unwanted pregnancy (in the U.S). What if we started making efforts to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and supporting those who find themselves in this situation? Then it wouldn't matter what the law says, because we would be preventing the need for abortion in the first place. 

     I realize that the reasons for choosing abortion are vast, and that unwanted pregnancy is by no means the only reason. Again, this is only one part of very complex issue, but I believe an important one. 

     The textbook continues, "Three-fourths of women who have an abortion report a religious affiliation. Many of these women identify themselves with religions that typically prohibit abortion: 28% of women who have abortions are Catholic, and 15% are Born-Again, Evangelical, or Fundamentalist (Jones & Kavanaugh, 2011, p. 415)."

     I know from the religious culture I grew up in, everyone is so busy fighting about the laws and judging people, that they don't have time to be compassionate and support people in need. know that if I had found myself pregnant as an adolescent, I would have felt that abortion was my only choice. Of course, this is hypothetical and I only know for sure what would have happened if I did experience that, but this is just to say how I remember feeling. My experience in the conservative Christian culture is that it is so full of judgement and so lacking in love. But my experience has given me the ability to understand one of the reasons why many may find abortion to be their only option. 
    
     This anti-abortion culture demands that women are forced to give birth, whether the pregnancy was a result of her choices or not, yet the vast majority are unwilling to help these women who are unable to care for their baby, they are unwilling to support the family, or foster/ adopt these babies that they demand be born but have no one to care for them. In the past 4 years, the number of children in foster care has increased every year, with more than 437,500 children in the foster care system in the U.S. at the end of the year 2016, and only 57,000 of those children were adopted. And every year, about 20,000 children age out of the foster system with no family. I understand that many families are on a wait-list to adopt a newborn. And that is only in the U.S. That is not to mention the global orphan crisis; the orphanages that are filled with millions of children who are neglected and abused, suffering and dying alone.
What does that tell me about most anti-abortion people? That they aren't really pro-life. People, we have to put action behind our words. 

     To those of you who are are not anti-abortion, but are pro-life with your actions, thank you. You are what life is all about. 

References

Jones, R. K. and Kavanaugh, M. L. (2011). Changes in abortion rates between 2000 and 2008 and lifetime incidence of abortion. In Women's gynecologic health (3rd ed). Burlington, MA: Jones & Bartlett Learning.

Schuiling, K. D., and Likis, F. E. (2017). Women's gynecologic health (3rd ed). Burlington, MA: Jones & Bartlett Learning.

Life Is Not About What You Own, It's About What Owns You

Kennet Silva- San Pedro Sula, Honduras 

    

      Ownership is around us everyday. Everything that you can see is owned by a natural person or legal person. Owning things these days consumes our societies. I'm not opposed to owning things, but what is inspiring me to write this for you is this question: what owns you?

     These years living in Guatemala, Central America, made me get disconnected from common society. Where we lived is like going back in time, you just have exactly what you just need, many times even less. Water and electricity were constantly playing hide-and-seek with us. Now we are living in the second largest city in Honduras, and I can sense God teaching me that life is not about what you own, it's about what owns you.

     A few days ago a person told me that an old friend of ours bought a fancy apartment and a new truck. My natural response surprised me because normally, years ago, I would like to see him again just to see what he purchased. But now I felt disconnected from that feeling, and he is just going to stay as an old friend. By saying this, it is that his ownership, his possession, would not attract me to him.

     Another example is that a friend of mine and my wife recently received a local award, so she has been in social media and the newspapers. We have been trying to meet with her and her family for weeks before this, but we haven't had the chance. Now, I told my wife that is not a good idea to go visit them right now as I don't want to give the impression that their ownership is attracting us to them.

     As a last example, in 2015 I won a "Young Entrepreneur" award from the President of Honduras for my Solar Bakpak. During this time, a lot of people got attracted to me for my accomplishment, which showed me that were attracted to success and appearance.  

     It may sound complex, but when you are outside the box or as some people say outside the "bubble" for so long, you start seeing things differently. You see the corners and shadows of situations that look normal, but inside they are really profound. 

   

     What owns you?

     Do you own your things or do they own you? Do you own your new car because you need it or because your neighbor just got one?

     We can ask these question for anything and everything: do you go to church because you feel obligated to go or because God owns you? 

     Right now, I'm helping my family get back on their feet in business. I need to ask myself these questions: am I doing this for the money or am I doing it so they can have enough to pay rent, school, electricity and water. I can say that I'm doing it not for the money (as I earn more in other businesses outside of selling textiles) but I do it so that peace owns them.

     You will reflect what really owns you, just like water reflects light. 

     If you are a person that has everything but you don't have peace, you're not owned by peace, you're owned by ___(fill in the blank)___.

Philippians 4:7

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

     I pray, God, in Jesus' name, that you will give us peace, I thank you for peace in our hearts; let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Let us be the vessels that reflect your peace to others.

Amen.

Almost 2019, Oh My!

Well... it's already Christmas! Five months since my last update- wow! Two weeks ago I officially finished my first semester of grad school- all A's! I never pulled straight A's in nursing school, so I was surprised at this achievement! I am very thankful for the opportunity to be studying midwifery and that Kennet is working hard to pay our bills and cover our needs while I study full-time.  

We are living with Kennet's parents and his four siblings, although his sister just got married so she and her husband are now our neighbors and there are just 3 siblings in the house. Although I would rather live in a shared space with extended family rather than neighbors as we did in rural Guatemala, living with family can be wearying. 

Still, no matter who I'm living with or not living with, my problem is that I am constantly comparing myself to everyone else who I think I want to be like, and in any situation I will focus on what is wrong and want to fix it, rather than enjoying what is. It happened in Guatemala when I wanted to be with family either in Pennsylvania or Honduras, and it's happening now when I feel frustrated that Kennet and I don't have our own space nor privacy, something I think is necessary when trying to build our own family and traditions. 
I also have never had a permanent home since moving out of the house I grew up in at 18 years old- almost a decade ago. It's been constantly short-term housing, with belongings in storage here and there and everywhere. Maybe I shouldn't long for something so materialistic, but I do long for a permanent place to call home. Something that is ours. 

But with or without family, with or without a home, this "destination addiction" is something that is problematic for me. That idea that happiness is always at the next place causes this constant discontentment. I know that it is related to depression and wanting something external to make me feel better. This is something I've always had. I thought moving to Guatemala after "graduating" from homeschool at age 18 would make me happy. I though moving to Honduras after living in Guatemala would make me happy. I thought studying nursing at the university would make me happy. I thought working at the clinic in Guatemala would make me happy, that getting married would make me happy, that getting a puppy or having a baby would make me happy. Let's be real here: nothing makes me happy. 

Happiness has to come from within. And if I am always comparing myself to others and not dealing with the root of my problem within, I will miss out on the gift that is now.

What complicates this for me is that while I alway want something else or something more, guilt always coexists with this want. On a daily basis I see the extreme poverty that is the majority of Honduras. It's hard for me that we live in a house that is moldy and falling apart. That is infested with rats, mosquitos, and cockroaches, that rain water pours down the walls of my room. But if I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, even if it's patched with tarps, that I have electricity and warm water on most days and never have to miss a meal, that I am strong and able-bodied even with chronic back pain, I can see that I am indeed blessed beyond measure and I should give generously to helps those children, single moms, and the handicapped who I encounter daily on the streets. The pain and suffering is overwhelming and can be paralyzing. I have to constantly remind myself that no one can fix everything, but everyone can do something to help someone else. 

This Christmas season, I want to encourage you to be thankful for what you do have, and look for every opportunity to be generous and pay it forward. 

And to give you a preview of the next update...After the New Year on January 15th, we finally have our interview at the US Embassy in Tegucigalpa for Kennet's green card. We have officially been in this process for a YEAR (after we got married last year in August, we didn't receive our marriage certificate until December because of many governmental issues and political unrest, so nothing was being processed), and although we weren't supposed to get an interview date for 3-5 months right now in December after the National Visa Center accepted our case as complete, we got it in less than a month! That may seem like something little, but it's huge! This year has a been a lot of waiting, extremely tedious paperwork, and a lot of fees for everything. I don't wish this process on anyone. Needless to say, I'm so glad that we are literally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and we will soon stop having to pay the US government what feels like outrageous fees every time I blink! 

That is all for now... thank you for reading, I appreciate any feedback or comments! 

GUA- HN- USA (PA)

August 2018 marks the beginning of a new chapter for Kennet and me. I am officially beginning my studies to be a Certified Nurse- Midwife (CNM) at Jefferson University in Philadelphia (graduating class of 2020). The classes are online and we'll be living in Honduras until I begin my clinical rotations at the Maternity Center in Geisinger Bloomsburg Hospital in PA beginning in mid- 2019.

There have been many little frustrations that came with renting this little house (most of which are to be expected when living in a rural area of a developing country), but one of my favorite things has been watching the front yard turn from a muddy patch into a beautiful garden, and the beautiful sunsets we were occasionally graced with over the lake and mountains.

I am very thankful to my friend Erica McElroy, DO, who hired me as a brand new RN to work at the Casa Materna here in San Juan. I have grown in many ways during my two years here, and have seen the clinic go from a building full of dusty boxes to a clinic and birth center helping hundreds of women and babies. I wish this clinic the very best, that they will continue to collaborate with others doing similar work and implement more birthing centers in areas of need.
I have had more challenges than I ever expected, and I think that if I knew what was coming my way I wouldn't have signed up for it. But without doubt those challenges have helped me develop myself (a stereotypical average-unhealthy Enneagram 9!) into a better person. I feel that my experience here has prepared me for midwifery school, and I feel very eager to learn and become the best practitioner I can be. I am hoping the learning curve from maternal-infant care in rural Guatemala to the care I will learn to give while in university isn't completely overwhelming!

Looking back over the past two years, I feel most grateful to Kennet for supporting me in the work here. He is the one who originally convinced me that I should take this job, and
he sacrificed a lot so that we could be here. 

The playground/park near our house next to the lake where we spent many afternoons
and evenings relaxing and working out

So from August this year until April of next year we will be living in San Pedro Sula, Honduras, with Kennet's family, and we can't wait to be close to family again! I am officially a Honduran resident (hooray!) and we are waiting for Kennet's Green Card to be ready late this year or early next year, although there is no guaranteed timeline. We are so close to being able to live in the USA and Honduras without restrictions! If you've been in the process of US visas and residencies, you know it is a long (and frustrating) process. I hope that we are almost seeing the light at the end if the tunnel. 

I was surprised to learn from lawyer who is helping us with Kennet's documents the number of tourist visas that get cancelled willy-nilly. The immigration officers literally do not need a legal reason to cancel a tourist visa. It is based on their "discretion." Many people ask why Kennet's visa was cancelled in 2014, and there actually isn't a legal reason. My conclusion is that is was God sending him back to Honduras to meet me :) The lawyer basically said that a tourist visa is your chance to "knock on the door" but it does not guarantee you entrance. I never knew that until going through this process. 

I begin classes on August 20 (ironically the birthdate of my little brother who died in childbirth 💔), and while Kennet moves all of our belonging from here (Guate) to Honduras,I will spend the first 2.5 weeks of the month in PA to visit family and friends and spend time with my Rwandan family-  my sister Emily, her husband, their little boy, and new baby due at the end of July will also be in PA during that time!

That is the latest from the Silva-Haas family. Stay tuned! 

National Foster Care Month

This year is the the 30th National Foster Care Month in the USA. It began in 1988 with President Ronald Reagan.

To me, it is a reminder of the Gospel, the greatest news of all time:

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.

-Ephesians 1:5

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."

-Romans 8:15

My mom shared this video recently, and I was reminded once again how my family and I personally have been blessed by both foster care and adoption, and how grateful I am for those who are a part of this.  

In honor of this month, I want to share with you two (of the many) organizations that I have come to love and support. They work with orphan prevention (something that has become very important to me), foster care, and adoption.

The first one is here in Guatemala, Hope for Home Ministries. It was founded and is operated by one of my friend's family. They specifically work with special-needs orphans and families who have children with special needs. Because of limited funds and staff, they have to turn away several needy children per day. Just recently, they had to turn away a group of six siblings ages 13 and younger, two of siblings being pregnant. Most children who can't be placed into safe homes stay with their abusive families or get put into overcrowded and abusive government facilities. 

I have been fortunate to be able to collaborate in small ways with the nurse they work with who is taking on their new birthing center project which will be built outside of a large dump. 

If you'd like to support them or learn more about them, check them out here.

The second ministry is in my second homeland- Honduras. My friend Tara and her husband founded and run this organization called Identity Mission. They work with public orphanages, private orphanages, training Christian foster families, supporting families so they don't have to give their children away, and finding adoptive families when it isn't possible for children to stay with their family.

If you'd like to support them or learn more about them, you can visit them here.

BONUS: any donation to you give to them this month will be doubled in honor of National Foster Care Month!

I read a blog recently from Story International here in Guatemala with this statistic:

“Each year, approximately 14,050,000 children turn 18 and age out of the system. They cease to be included in the total number of orphans worldwide. They do not, however, cease to be a vulnerable population."

Do you have a story to share about orphan prevention, foster care, or adoption? I'd love to hear about it!

I was remembering recently how God designed us as humans to be part of loving families. The family is God's design. And I remembered how Jesus Christ himself was adopted by his father, Joseph. Another example to me of the beauty of adoption.

Starting Clean In 2018

The title of this blog is the motto of a dear friend of mine who I've know my whole life but we haven't always kept in touch... We recently reconnected and she has become a friend who I can tell anything to and I will receive zero judgement and complete understanding. Everyone needs one of those kind of lifelong friends! 


30 days into 2018! 1/12 of the way through the year! How are you resolutions going? What are your resolutions?

Nicaragua, January 2018

Kennet's first time horseback riding! My favorite pastime of all we finally did together! At Morgan's Rock in Nicaragua with friends + family

I have to be honest and say that I haven't set resolutions this year, and I don't know when's the last time I did. I do know that whenever it was, I definitely didn't complete them. 

Starting in the end of October right before my 26th birthday, I began the Master Heart Course by Christa Black Gifford (see the end of my second-to-last post). I didn't even make it through the first week out of the six and I decided to.. let's say, "postpone" it until New Years.. or... sometime. That was my way of putting it off indefinitely until the "right" time or a "better" time. I didn't want to face everything in my heart. It was (is) easier to keep the door shut and locked and keep pretending my way through life. 

Well, the New Year came and went and Kennet and I had a great time during the holidays with both of our families. I spent some time in Sanibel, Florida at my family's home, then we spent Christmas and New Years with Kennet's family in Honduras and then we traveled to Nicaragua to see friends and my family again for my mom's 60th birthday. It was a great time. On the surface. Story of my life.

The story of my life has been a struggle to know my inherent value, to love myself, to live with happiness (see my posts from July and November 2014). It has been deep valleys, but no doubt with some small mountain tops along the way. Mountain tops such as working as a fundraiser for children's medical care in Honduras, graduating with my BSN (nursing) degree, getting married (not just to anyone but to someone who is fun and loves people and knows what commitment and unconditional love mean), helping start a birthing center in Guatemala, getting accepted into graduate school... all of these external things. They have all been more or less based on my my achievements, coming out of eighteen years of not believing I'd amount to anything or was worth anyone's time.

I have been fortunate to be surrounded by many strong people of God who have spent time with me, talked with me, prayed over me; these people have helped sustain me throughout my life. But I have always struggled with happiness. Hence why three months after getting married I was so happy to begin this course that I thought would so easily fix me. I shut that door very quickly when I learned that "easily" wasn't part of it. I quickly saw this course wasn't like any other retreat or conference I've attended in the past (though I've attended some great ones which have had lasting impact in my life). And it dawned on me, life isn't about quick fixes, ever. It's about being faithful throughout the journey. Anything worthwhile is going to take hard work.

Now I'm approaching six months of being married (what!), and I'm feeling tired of making life not fun for not only me, but for both of us. I'm tired of my mood and my words and my actions being based on whatever is determining my mood in a given moment. I want my thoughts to shape my reality, not my reality to shape my thoughts. I want to be in control. I know that the Bible is full of writings about being content in all circumstances, taking control of ourselves, knowing our inherent invaluable value having been created in the image of God, rejoicing always, but I've never been able to get anything from the Bible from my head to my heart. Not in any real way.

Over this past month of really procrastinating with taking control of myself and starting this course, literally every book, Instagram post, blog, vlog (I love them-- I am currently following the vlog of Nabeel and Michelle Qureshi on YouTube), song, sermon... everything I've read or listened to has been pointing me towards the fact that  I  have to put in the effort [Passion City Church's Nov 5, 2017 sermon is one of the best I've heard on this topic]... I have to make a conscious decision and take the action to accomplish what God desires to do in my life. This is a daily happening. As Levi Lusko says, "victory in your life doesn't come through one thing and now you're undefeated, it's small things continuously repeated."

Shortly after we got married on a particularly down day, I told Kennet, "I just want someone to give me permission to be happy." He told me, "I give you permission!"

In Braving the Wilderness, the book my sisters and I are reading right now in our book club, Brené Brown says, "I sat on the edge of my bed and fought back tears. I started thinking, I need a permission slip. I need a permission slip to stop being so serious and afraid. I need to give myself permission to have fun today. That got the idea started....I wrote myself a permission slip on a post-it note from my computer bag. It simply said, 'permission to be excited and goofy, and to have fun.' It would be the first of hundreds of permission slips I would go on to write for myself. I still write them today. And I teach everyone who will give me five minutes of their time the power of this intention-setting method.... Set the intention, follow through."

Recently my friend texted me, "Satan's greatest victory would be stealing the beauty that your life is shining forth in this season! It is magnificent, full of adventure, beauty, newness, and hope!! Yes revel and enjoy today!!! Because today is so very good!!!..."

So when's the "right" time to start taking control, to set your resolutions? To not let Satan have the victory for another moment? Now. Whenever now is. Don't wait for the stars to align in a certain way or for a certain date.
I am starting to put in my side of the deal, and yes, it seems daunting. Overwhelming. But when I think of my life over the past 26 years and what I want for the next 26+ years (or just this present moment since I don't know what is past this moment), putting in the work totally seems worth it. Especially when there is more than enough grace for each thought, decision, and act. Remember, more than enough grace and forgiveness for every mistake that I will make every day. This year I want to begin establishing myself as a happy person because that is who I am. Not because of something external.

For people who don't struggle with depression, low-self esteem/ self-worth, constantly feeling overwhelmed by the sadness and insanity of humanity, this post might not make sense. But I hope to encourage those of you who do understand me and can relate. I hope that you can join me in choosing to put negative thoughts away and choosing to be happy. If for no other reason than you deserve to be happy and I deserve to be happy. It's how we were intended to live. And if you are already on that journey, I'm glad to be joining you!

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

Maya Angelou


I saw the face of God in me. If you look in the mirror and have any condemning thought, you don’t know what you’re looking at, because I’m made in the beauty and likeness of the Trinity and so are you.
Christa Black Gifford

Love Your Neighbor Generously

     Happy November! My favorite month of the year. I am greatly missing the beautiful Fall weather of Pennsylvania, but yesterday I welcomed the month with my homemade pumpkin chocolate bread, and pure maple sugar (brought to my all the way from northern NY from my sister-in-law!) And our next door neighbor gave us a huge steaming bowl of vegetables- corn, sweet potatoes, wiskil, and squash. in this culture, this is the way that they celebrate the Día de los Santos (Day of the Saints) every November 1st.


     In my last post I talked a bit about the difficulties of living in our little village here at Lake Atitlán.

     As my husband can attest to, I get easily overwhelmed. I have always been this way. Overwhelmed not only with my own life, but the lives of the world. I allow things that are out of my control to control me. The many crises of our very broken world and increasing terrorist attacks affect my daily life in a profound way. And when I say "affect" I don't mean that I am now doing something (outside of praying) for every crisis that I am aware of, because that isn't possible. But they affect me in a way that it harms my own self, my own marriage, my daily work and responsibilities. They consume my thoughts and I quickly spiral out of control.

     Once when I was a young teen, I was with my friend who to this day remains a dear friend. We were in Florida at my parents' house and we were parting ways. One of us was going on a trip or going back to Pennsylvania (I can't remember who). She prayed for me before we parted, and the only line of her prayer that I still remember is that she prayed that I would not take on burdens that are not mine to carry. No one had ever prayed that for me before. It struck me so deeply and I've never forgotten it because I've always struggled with it so much. 

     Over the past year plus of living here, I've been thinking about that prayer a lot more. One of the books that my sisters and I recently read for our book club is The Hiding Place. An absolutely amazing testament to God's faithfulness in the midst of unthinkable horror. But as beautiful as the story of Corrie ten Boom and her family is, this book was hard for me to read. I am aware that the level of World War II suffering exists in this present day, and it is hard for me to live with this knowledge. 

     Recently, Kennet and I had yet another request from a neighbor for financial assistance, and in these past days I've had two "revelations" from this particular situation. 

     First, Jesus' teaching about loving your neighbor. When asked what is the greatest commandment, He answered: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these" (Mark 12:30-31). Yes, in Matthew and Mark Jesus also teaches his disciples to "go into all the world" and in Acts He tells them that they will be His witnesses "to the ends of the earth." But He says that the most important commands are to love God and your neighbor as yourself. 

     Do you ever feel overwhelmed? It can be paralyzing, right? And that's exactly what the enemy wants-- for us to do nothing. When I become overwhelmed, I become paralyzed and do nothing. And then I'm not even able to do the things that I can do, that I'm clearly supposed to do- love my neighbor. Jesus didn't say that the greatest commandment is to love the multitudes, he said to love God and our neighbor. That is the place to start.

     The second is gifting versus loaning. I know that the Bible talks about both. I am by no means an expert in this area, in fact I know very little, but I am interested in it and am researching it more. In the Old Testament (Exodus and Deuteronomy), for example, the Mosaic Law says that one can lend money, but to the poor it must be lent without interest. And at the end of every seven years all debts were to be cancelled. Yet Moses also taught in Deuteronomy 15, "If among you, one of your brothers should become poor, in any of your towns within your land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart or shut your hand against your poor brother, but you shall open your hand to him and lend him sufficient for his need, whatever it may be." We also see many times throughout the wisdom of Proverbs that God blesses the generous: "He who has a generous eye will be blessed, for he gives of his bread to the poor" (22:9).

     In the New Testament, we see Jesus teaches about giving without expecting anything back. In Luke 6 He says, “Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods, do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you?... Do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful." 

     That line of thought is contrary to the mainstream culture, no? But imagine if whenever I were in need, someone helped me without asking for a return. And then I in turn did the same. I wouldn't have to worry about being able to pay someone back, or receiving my full payments back. Borrowers wouldn't be slaves to lenders (Prov 22:7). I believe this is a way that we can love our neighbor as ourselves. We could give freely and receive freely, knowing that God is the one who gives us the power to get wealth, He is the one who sends poverty and wealth (Deut. 8:18, 1 Sam. 2:7, Job 1:21).

     So at the end of the day, when I feel overwhelmed and/or tired of requests for things or money, I need to remember that it is a blessing to both give and receive, but it is indeed more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35)