Love Your Neighbor Generously

     Happy November! My favorite month of the year. I am greatly missing the beautiful Fall weather of Pennsylvania, but yesterday I welcomed the month with my homemade pumpkin chocolate bread, and pure maple sugar (brought to my all the way from northern NY from my sister-in-law!) And our next door neighbor gave us a huge steaming bowl of vegetables- corn, sweet potatoes, wiskil, and squash. in this culture, this is the way that they celebrate the Día de los Santos (Day of the Saints) every November 1st.


     In my last post I talked a bit about the difficulties of living in our little village here at Lake Atitlán.

     As my husband can attest to, I get easily overwhelmed. I have always been this way. Overwhelmed not only with my own life, but the lives of the world. I allow things that are out of my control to control me. The many crises of our very broken world and increasing terrorist attacks affect my daily life in a profound way. And when I say "affect" I don't mean that I am now doing something (outside of praying) for every crisis that I am aware of, because that isn't possible. But they affect me in a way that it harms my own self, my own marriage, my daily work and responsibilities. They consume my thoughts and I quickly spiral out of control.

     Once when I was a young teen, I was with my friend who to this day remains a dear friend. We were in Florida at my parents' house and we were parting ways. One of us was going on a trip or going back to Pennsylvania (I can't remember who). She prayed for me before we parted, and the only line of her prayer that I still remember is that she prayed that I would not take on burdens that are not mine to carry. No one had ever prayed that for me before. It struck me so deeply and I've never forgotten it because I've always struggled with it so much. 

     Over the past year plus of living here, I've been thinking about that prayer a lot more. One of the books that my sisters and I recently read for our book club is The Hiding Place. An absolutely amazing testament to God's faithfulness in the midst of unthinkable horror. But as beautiful as the story of Corrie ten Boom and her family is, this book was hard for me to read. I am aware that the level of World War II suffering exists in this present day, and it is hard for me to live with this knowledge. 

     Recently, Kennet and I had yet another request from a neighbor for financial assistance, and in these past days I've had two "revelations" from this particular situation. 

     First, Jesus' teaching about loving your neighbor. When asked what is the greatest commandment, He answered: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these" (Mark 12:30-31). Yes, in Matthew and Mark Jesus also teaches his disciples to "go into all the world" and in Acts He tells them that they will be His witnesses "to the ends of the earth." But He says that the most important commands are to love God and your neighbor as yourself. 

     Do you ever feel overwhelmed? It can be paralyzing, right? And that's exactly what the enemy wants-- for us to do nothing. When I become overwhelmed, I become paralyzed and do nothing. And then I'm not even able to do the things that I can do, that I'm clearly supposed to do- love my neighbor. Jesus didn't say that the greatest commandment is to love the multitudes, he said to love God and our neighbor. That is the place to start.

     The second is gifting versus loaning. I know that the Bible talks about both. I am by no means an expert in this area, in fact I know very little, but I am interested in it and am researching it more. In the Old Testament (Exodus and Deuteronomy), for example, the Mosaic Law says that one can lend money, but to the poor it must be lent without interest. And at the end of every seven years all debts were to be cancelled. Yet Moses also taught in Deuteronomy 15, "If among you, one of your brothers should become poor, in any of your towns within your land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart or shut your hand against your poor brother, but you shall open your hand to him and lend him sufficient for his need, whatever it may be." We also see many times throughout the wisdom of Proverbs that God blesses the generous: "He who has a generous eye will be blessed, for he gives of his bread to the poor" (22:9).

     In the New Testament, we see Jesus teaches about giving without expecting anything back. In Luke 6 He says, “Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods, do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you?... Do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful." 

     That line of thought is contrary to the mainstream culture, no? But imagine if whenever I were in need, someone helped me without asking for a return. And then I in turn did the same. I wouldn't have to worry about being able to pay someone back, or receiving my full payments back. Borrowers wouldn't be slaves to lenders (Prov 22:7). I believe this is a way that we can love our neighbor as ourselves. We could give freely and receive freely, knowing that God is the one who gives us the power to get wealth, He is the one who sends poverty and wealth (Deut. 8:18, 1 Sam. 2:7, Job 1:21).

     So at the end of the day, when I feel overwhelmed and/or tired of requests for things or money, I need to remember that it is a blessing to both give and receive, but it is indeed more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35)

The Past 6 [and 1/2] Months, Part 2

Probably the biggest thing during the past six months has been our wedding! Kennet and I got married on August 13th at the beach in Tela, Honduras, and it was such a HAPPY time. 

I did regret not having travel coordinator for guests, and I had to do my best to not let "situations" with my family affect me. It was also difficult for me to have my wedding in Honduras while living in Guatemala, and with sisters being in the US and Rwanda, they couldn't assist me with much. Thankfully, Kennet's family did SO much for me. They helped with ALL the decoration details. All of the decorations for the reception and the ceremony area were all thanks to Kennet's mom. She also helped me to have my dress tailored. In February of this year I went to the US for a family reunion and had one afternoon free to go and find a dress. I found a bridal store with an open appointment at that time and went with my mom, sister Emily, and sister-in-law. I tried on the three dresses that they had in the sort of style that I wanted and went with the one I liked the most. Definitely not how I imaged my bridal dress shopping would go, but since our engagement in August 2016 that was my only chance to get one in the US since I wouldn't be going  back again until long after the wedding. When I think about the little frustrations of the wedding, it is a good reminder to me that the purpose of the wedding was to just get married, and to have as many of our family and friends present as possible. That is what made it pure happiness! For me, the people are the most important memories, and at the end of the day the dress and flowers and decorations don't really have lasting value. 

Now, to people who have yet to plan a wedding, I will say this: if there is one or two things that are really important to you, focus on those things! For me, it was having the full-length video of our wedding, one where we could re-watch the ceremony and hear the words that were spoken. I, however, didn't clarify that with the photographer/ videographer, so now it is something that I will never have. 

But again, I'm thankful for the friends and family who were able to come and the beautiful time we had together. Despite inevitable frustrations, I can say that none of my many literal nightmares leading up to the wedding came true, and my one dream did come true: we are married now!

 w/ my dad and mom, 9 siblings, 3 in-laws, and 9 nieces and nephews

w/ Kennet's parents + 4 siblings

                          

Kennet surprised me with a wonderful and relaxing honeymoon cruise from Panama to Colombia, Curaçao, Bonaire, and Aruba. So much delicious food, time in the sun and the water, exploring new places, and meeting wonderful and helpful people. 

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Now we are two months married, but the wedding feels so long ago. What was my little house in San Juan is now our home, and we are learning how to live together and love each other unconditionally. 

Kennet and I get to work together a lot as he works part-time with the Casa; I love that and hope we are work and ministry partners for life. He always remains involved with other ministries (mostly Haiti and Honduras) and his business from a distance, and occasionally locally here with the youth from the church and with mission teams from our sponsor church in PA, Christ Wesleyan. 

This month we have submitted my application for me to be a Honduran resident (yay!) so I won't have to leave the CA-4 (Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, El Salvador) every 90 days. 

We've also submitted the preliminary paperwork for Kennet's green card, so within the next year and half we should be able to go to the US together! At this moment of my life, nothing excites me more. We just might have a WHITE Christmas next year! 

I also want to go to graduate school to get my master's degree in Midwifery which will be for two years. This is the main reason we want Kennet to be able to have the green card, other than being able to visit our friends and family.

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As I've mentioned many a time, the work with the Casa over the past year has been fulfilling and I've been learning so much along the way (and it has confirmed my desire to study further). Moreover, after a year of dating long-distance while I was in my last year of nursing school, and then part-time long distance during our year of engagement, nothing feels happier for me than to be married to and be able to live with, be with, travel with (most times), my now husband (how long does it take for that word to start sounding normal after one gets married? I rarely use the term 'my husband' because it makes me feel very old!).

Even with this contentment with the great things that we've accomplished with the Casa and of being together, it hasn't been without its difficulties. For one, I feel as though I have done my job of helping the Casa get up and running smoothly. At times I feel very anxious and ready to be able to do more, and I am aware that what is next is studying for the specialty. 
Furthermore, this region of Lake Atitlan is remote and it can be difficult to be far from 'civilization' (grocery stores, home goods stores, clothing stores, advanced mechanic shops, airport). There are those frustrations which are still livable (stocking up on 2-3 months worth of non-perishable food when visiting the city, having to stay 1-2 nights in a hotel in the city while the truck is being repaired, having to leave the day before a flight is to depart, frequently having the electricity and water shut off (and unreliable hot water), not having a dryer, having a half-functioning stove, not having cell service to be able to call family/ people in the US, not easily being able to receive mail), but the most difficult thing for me is not having friends or a community at all. Thankfully Kennet and I are homebodies, can read or watch TV series for hours, and love to be together 99% of the time without getting tired of only having each other. For most people I know, they wouldn't stand this lifestyle. And there are those times I admit that I also feel Iike I cannot! 

I've never been one to get homesick until living here. I expected to feel completely at home, like I could live here forever, the way that I felt when I was in both Antigua and SPS, Honduras. But I've found that I long to be able to stop by and see Kennet's family at anytime, spend time with my sisters, with my friends from nursing school, my nieces and nephews, to have a church community that Kennet and I can connect with. Even though we have each other, on many days I feel that we are so far away from everyone we love... it can be quite lonely. Yet my desires are conflicting, because I don't desire to live in the US at all and I know since a I was young girl that I would live as a missionary.

In my years of singleness, I always daydreamed that as a newlywed I was have a cute little house (which we do), and invite people over for movies, guitar-playing, coffee, baking, to have a space where anyone could come and just be (so many people have done that for me over the years). I have my bookshelves full, anticipating that I would lend books to many a friend. Yet I have found here that I don't want people to come to my house or see my belongings. Being surrounded by this general lack of monetary wealth causes our neighbors to see us more as a bank than a friend. We are frequently asked to loan money, help pay school fees, help get a family member out of jail, etcetera, and that plays a part in the loneliness.

I am thankful that I have married an eternal optimist (we balance each other!) and that together we are learning to take life one season at a time, one day a time, taking full advantage of being a blessing to and being blessed by the people we are with. We are here at this time for a purpose. We don't want to waste any chapters of our lives.

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In my many quiet mornings/ afternoons/ nights (depending on the day) I've been enjoying being a part of a 'book club' with my sisters, as well as listening to a variety of podcasts. For now I'll end this post with my current #1 podcast: Head to Heart by Christa and Lucas Gifford. Other than the book Boundaries, any other book or podcast I had ever read/listened to (in the spiritual/ self-help category) went out the window. The podcast led me to purchase her (Christa Black Gifford) book, Heart Made Whole, which has led me to take her 6-week class based on the book. This process of inner healing through the power of the Holy Spirit, learning how to love myself and be a loving wife is just that- a process! In learning all of this while living far from loved ones, Christa's materials have come to me in the most timely manner. Stay tuned for more!

The Past 6 Months (Part 1)

It's quite hard to believe that we are three quarters through 2017! Yikes... my blog has definitely been neglected! I'm going to give an update on the past 6 months in two parts, the first related to work/ministry, the second a personal update.

The Casa in-country staff is now a grand total of 12, seven staff and five community facilitators, and 3 US-based volunteers. We have been taking great strides, completing our kitchen on the ground level, and daily utilizing our clinic space upstairs for prenatal care and birth attendance. To date (Nov 2016 - Sept 2017) we have 275 patients, 78 of those women already haven given birth at the Casa. Each month we've had between 1-6 references to the National Hospital for high risk pregnancies, totalling 30 to date. Our patients have all come from the lake region, thus far from the following towns: San Pedro, San Pablo, San Marcos, San Juan, as well as a few from the rural villages of San Juan.

Throughout these past eleven months, we have held various educational classes for pregnant mothers and their comadronas (indigenous "midwife"/birth attendant) but this September we have begun two new programs: the first being training 5 community facilitators who help us with postpartum home checkups and newborn education, and the second being a monthly class for the local pregnant women and comadronas as well as those in the 3 rural villages of San Juan. 
Each month we teach the women a different topic about pregnancy, birth, care of newborns, and general health. In the villages, we promote the Casa Materna, provide them with prenatal vitamins, and provide an exam of fetal heart rate and the position of the baby. We encourage them to come to the Casa or a clinic where an ultrasound can be provided at least once before birth to confirm the position and well-being of the baby. 
Our first official class was a success; although we only had a few women attend, I was able to detect a baby in a transverse position by palpation, and I encouraged this mother to have an ultrasound for confirmation being that she is nearing her due date next month. I was very happy to see her at the clinic two days later. She made the effort to come all the way to our facility, with her two little ones, for her prenatal check and ultrasound. Her baby is in fact transverse, so now we are able to provide her with the appropriate exercises and monitor her progress. Two barriers for many women getting safe prenatal care is lack of knowledge and distance to proper care facilities, so we are trying to build bridges to eliminate these barriers.

We are also providing support to our patients born with special needs and special cases such as mothers who want to give their baby for adoption. We are very grateful for the recourse of Centro Maya right here in San Juan. As well I have been consulting with some friends who run a ministry for children with special needs in many parts of the country. We are currently consulting with World Pediatric Project and they are proving to be a great resource. As we encounter new cases, we continue to broaden our horizons and make connections with more people who are helping orphans and families with few resource to find the solutions they need.

It's hard to believe that the Casa is coming up on its one-year anniversary. It began as a dream of my friend Erica, and through the faithfulness of God we have been taking baby steps, helping those we encounter daily to the best of our ability. Our dream is to help as many as we can, and each and every person we can help have a safe pregnancy, birth, and a better quality of life is a gift to us. As long as God is willing to provide the location and resources for the Casa to function, there are able and willing hearts here serving without ceasing; I am very thankful for our dedicated Guatemalan staff and to be able to both learn and teach alongside them.

Please be sure to follow us on social media to stay in touch with us!

Facebook: Casa Materna Atitlan

Instagram: casamaternaatitlan

Website: Casa Materna Atitlan (casamaternaatitlan.org)

If you would like to make a donation to a specific project or patient (via our website!), please do email me at casamaternasanjuan@gmail.com and let us know for how much is your donation and what it is designated for. 

Wait... we are four months into the new year already?! This is crazy... my (once very recently baby) sister Abby turned 21 yesterday, my wedding is coming up in four and a half months (!!!!), and I can't believe I've now been living in San Juan for almost eight months. I thank God for the blessing of the Casa to the families in this region, for those of you who are supporting them with your prayers and money, and for this opportunity that I have to serve here and to learn so much. One of my favorite parts of my job has been learning how to do the ultrasound. There is so much to learn but I am thankful to have the basics down and my newest skill is determining the sex of the baby!

We had 13 births during the month of March and 5 hospital references all with positive results. We have about the same number of births scheduled for April. We currently are serving 130 moms prenatal and postnatal!

As our number of patients grows and our desire to be more regularly involved in the three remote villages of San Juan (Palestina, Panyebar, Pasaquim) grows, please do pray for the finances and the right people to join the Casa staff. 

Our kitchen and wash area is in the finishing stages. We have a very small space that we use for a kitchen right now and no wash space, so we are very excited!

Please do follow us on Instagram (Casa Materna Atitlan) and Facebook (Casa Materna Atitlan) for current updates with patients and projects we have going on. 

This week we had two professors from the College of Nursing (Midwifery Department) from the Univ. of Utah come to visit. They are investigating places for their students to do study abroad and post-grad internships. It was a great visit and I hope that we are able to collaborate with them. I told them I want to be a midwife and they said that they will look for my application... I didn't tell them I'm most likely going to stay on the east coast :)

I am very thankful that Kennet has been able to use his many skills to help in the process of establishing the Casa. As we look forward to our wedding and our life together here in San Juan for a time, we are very thankful that he also has the opportunity to serve long-term with me in this clinic.

This week he actually ventured outside of the crater and visited the beautiful land of Haiti. It was his first time there as well as his first time meeting my brother Jon! They are there with The Hands and Feet Project. If you are interested investing in the future of Haiti, I highly suggest this organization! They work hard at family preservation and care holistically for orphaned and abandoned children. 

I am particularly grateful that Kennet and Jon are on this specific trip for several reasons. One of them being that I see great potential for my brother to use his film skills and resources to support Haiti. He has such a big heart and there is so much opportunity for him there! Another reason is that orphan-care and adoption have always been close to my heart.
I have many friends and family members who are part of my life through the miracle of adoption. There are so many countries represented in my life... India, Russia, Kazakhstan, Romania, China, Ethiopia, Haiti, Nicaragua, the US, to name just some of them. 
As most of you know, I have two little brothers in heaven. I've always wanted a baby brother since losing both of mine, and God did provide that for me through the adoption of my little brother, my little champ, Nathan. 
And you know something cool? A total side note...I was listening to a podcast recently of Christy Nockels. Her husband's name is Nathan, and she shared that the word "nathan" in Hebrew means "to give." Wow. God did give me the little brother I've always wanted. He is the giver of every perfect gift (James 1:17).

One thing that I love in particular about HaFP is that they not only care for orphans, but they help employee kids graduating from their program, and they fight for family preservation. Since I was very young I have wanted to work in orphan care and adoption. In learning about HaFP's family preservation work (as well as my friend Tara in Honduras launching a new family preservation project with her orphan care ministry), I began to be more deeply grateful for the work that I am doing through the Casa, helping mothers and babies survive pregnancy and birth, helping prevent orphans and keep families together.

Kennet will also visit REBUILD globally whom my friend Sarah works with. Another amazing organization fighting poverty through education and entrepreneurship/ job provision (check out the founder's TED talk on the website- very inspiring). 

Kennet's report to me after his first hours in Haiti was quite surprising to me. He grew up in Honduras, a country beautiful country with beautiful people, though ravaged by corruption, extreme poverty, and violence. We now live in Guatemala and in the same type of situation. Seeing poverty day in and day out. 

I have been to Haiti twice back in 2008, but not since the earthquake. My experience there was actually very similar to my experience here in Central America. I know from pictures and my family's stories about how devastated the country still is seven years later post earthquake and now post hurricane, but there is nothing that takes the place of experience. 

After driving two hours southward from Port-au-Prince to Jacmel, Kennet told me that he was "shocked" at the state of the country. He said Port-au-Prince is a complete disaster. There is no order. People just burn trash anywhere and everywhere and dig through it to find food and recyclables. He said that he could see the desperation in their faces. I knew that Haiti was in bad shape from my family as I mentioned, but I was honestly surprised to hear this report from him. He told me, "I mean, it's not like Aleppo, but it's really bad."

When I told my mom what Kennet said, she told me that she calls Nicaragua "first world compared to Haiti."

These conversations have caused me to think a lot... to think about people as individuals, not as a country, a region, or a city. Because to me, suffering is suffering and there's no difference to your suffering depending on what country you live in. When you have no job, no access to clean water, no means to buy school supplies for your children, when your husband beats you and leaves you alone with your young children to fend for yourselves, when you're an orphan living in an overcrowded government facility being abused sexually and physically, when you are living in a tent in a refugee camp, having fled for your life and having lost everything...more than anything, when you don't know love and you don't know your purpose for existence... This suffering is everywhere and I don't believe that it is fair to label countries or compare them and leave it at that, because we miss the individual. 

I understand the larger picture and that Haiti is more in ruins economically and that the government is maybe more corrupt than other governments. And that compared to a war-torn country it is in much better shape. And on the larger scale we can rate countries based on such things as safety, employment, incomes, access to education, etc, but I don't want this to cause me to miss the individual. The need for food and shelter and safety and family and more than anything, to know the love of God is equal everywhere you go.

In March, a fire was set by some teenage girls living in a government-run facility for orphaned and abused children near the City of Guatemala. Some of them began to protest/escape due to the horrid living condition and abuse. When they were locked up after trying to escape, they set fire to the mattresses and very sadly 40 girls died in that fire. (Christianity Today wrote an encouraging article  about the government turning to Christians for help in the area of orphan care after this incident, but what a shame that these precious girls had to die in order to begin to get the attention needed!). This suffering is the same suffering that the children that Kennet is with this week in Haiti would be experiencing had they not been in the care of The Hands and Feet Project. Countries and cities may have labels, but don't forget the individual. 

It may sound crazy at first, but there are some people in the United States, for example, who are suffering more than some people in Haiti, for example. Why? As I mentioned before, the difference is knowing the love of God and having a purpose in life.

It doesn't matter where you live, remember that you can do your part to help someone in need. I think at some point everyone is "that" person in need. Remember a time when you were in need and someone gave you an encouraging word, a place to stay, or fulfilled your need in some way. If you are grateful that they were wiling to help "just one," remember that you too can do the same. It doesn't matter where you live. We all need to know Love (1 John 4:8).

Happy 2017!

      Happy 2017 from my home to wherever you are! I spent the holidays visiting family in both Honduras and Nicaragua. It was a wonderful time albeit far too many hours of travel! I am now back in San Juan and we have exciting plans at the Casa as we begin to do community education with the families and comadronas (indigenous birth attendants) and continue with prenatal care and deliveries. 

      To everyone who has supported this work, words cannot express how deeply grateful I am. On a regular basis I see very poor families, many single mothers with little to no money to provide care for themselves or for their babies. Recently, I accompanied a mother to the hospital for an emergency c-section, and I am so grateful for each one of you who help provide medicines, transport, and baby clothes, to name a few things in a case such as this.
      If you haven't see our website, please check it out at casamaternaatitlan.org. You can donate to our ministry directly from there and learn more about our work.


      As I begin 2017, I've been thinking how the more life I live, the more I see the beauty of it and at the same time the pain and injustice of living in a broken world. The more I see the need of our Savior, the only source of true joy, peace, and hope. Everyday I see my need for strength to live in a way that honors God, to be sincere in asking for forgiveness and in the ability to forgive others. As I share life with others.. listening to the story of their lives and experiencing my own life, I am daily more grateful for the whole gospel and for God's great mercy. Because of the LORD's great mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness (Lamentations 3: 22-23, NKJV).
      For my whole life, music has been of great comfort to me and it has always brought me closer to God. One of my favorite albums of all time, lyrically, is When I Was Younger by Colony House. As I listen to it now, I want to share one of the songs with you called Moving Forward (the whole record is worth a listen!) I hope that you find encouragement in it as you begin the great adventure of a new year!

I found life and I found laughter

In forgiveness, I found rest

On the shoulders of redemption

I found hope when hope was dead

I could lose it in a moment

So I dare not close my eyes

I'll watch fear fall with the sunset

And see hope rise with the tide

And when the pain is true

Sometimes the troubles prove that

I'm alive

My eyes are open, my heart is beating

My lungs are full, My body's breathing

I'm moving forward, I found my freedom

I found a life that gave me reason to live

As this dusty road now settles

And I see what lay before 

Every tear that held a broken dream

Is now shattered on the floor

And now bursting forth in splendor

Are the blossoms of second tries

Because dreams that bare the mark of love

Are dreams that never die

Sometimes life can feel so unkind

But sorrow won't define me

Sorrow just reminds my soul

I know the sorrow

I know the heartache

I know with fear comes a tragic heartbreak

But I'm moving forward

I found my freedom

I found a life that gave me reason to love