Today

There's not a cloud in the sky and it's a full moon. Jon and I just got back from a cookout at the Seelye's house. We of course had a rousing game of volleyball, my favorite. And I of course played with all my sounds effects as usual.

Today was different than my typical summer day for several reasons. One, because today is the first time I've been to the Seelye's all summer! Second, I had the day off from tutoring today because all of our students went to the Philadelphia Zoo for a field trip.
Third, Everyone who currently lives in my house was gone today. Jon was working on the property (even with his arm in cast and in a sling!), Mom and Abby are in Cape May, Mariah and Katie are at camp, and Dad and Nathan are Maine visiting a friend of my dad's from college.
So I took this free day and had my own little triathlon, only not really, because rather than running, swimming, and biking, I ran, swam, and rode my horse. Although I rode bareback and it was a killer leg workout (I need to get back into bareback more often!) I don't think it was quite the challenge of a bike :) It is, however, way more fun!!!

4.5 mile run around Bear Creek Lake then up and around our lake

Nice swim across the lake and of course a little swim with Hallie and Tristan afterwards :)

And a ride down the railroad bed...

I love summer in Bear Creek.

Christian Womanhood

"A woman in Christ knows her Bible, knows her theology of a sovereign God who makes promises, knows His promises to be with her no matter what."

This Moment.

Back in the Spring when I spent some time with my friend and mentor Kerry, we were talking about an aspect of her personality that comes naturally to her but doesn't seem to come naturally to most people. It so revolutionized my way of thinking (yes, three months later I still think about it on a daily basis, so I thought it was time I share), because I wasn't even aware that this was a struggle of mine until she brought it to my attention. Kerry's natural personality is to live in the moment. Always. Wherever she is, she is there, 100% focused on who and what is in front of her. For me, my mind many times wonders to different people and different places, times of the past, time of the future, places I'd rather be right now. In talking with her about this, how it's a trait I so admire and desire to obtain, she shared with me that there are two reasons that cause her focus to be taken away from the present, and in acknowledging these two causes, I've been able to see them in my own life and learn how to work them out of who I am.

First, when there is an idol in our life, anything that we are holding onto more closely than Christ, we are distracted from the place that He has us at this moment and we miss out on the blessing of what He's given us right now. I find that when I refuse to allow myself to be elsewhere in my mind, that is when I find abundant joy and fulfillment. As John Piper said so accurately, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." When I am satisfied in Him and Him alone, I can be anyplace with anyone and it won't make a difference- He will be receiving equal glory because I am equally satisfied in Him in every situation.

The second reason for not living fully in the moment is when there is an unconfessed sin of the past that is stealing our joy for the present. As I contemplated this, I realized that when there is a situation that has not been dealt with, it indeed steals my peace. Not until confession and forgiveness have taken place am once again to move on and continue in the path of peace.

I want to really know what it's like to live in the light. THAT takes a whole lot of humility that can only be obtained by His grace.

The first step in defeating sin is acknowledging its presence. I want to continue living in the joy of the moment, being quick to ask for forgiveness for my wrongdoings, and not ever holding any earthly thing more dear to me than Christ himself.

Whoop!

My sister Emily (who is also my closest friend) moved back to Rwanda! Read about the new adventure she is beginning in God's grand story: emilyhaas.wordpress.com

A Change of My Plans... For His.

So.... this whole Spring while working for Show Hope, I thought I had my summer and next school year all planned out, which at the time I did. I was looking forward to going back to Guatemala in July and starting the Discipleship Training School with YWAM, to returning to Antigua where I lived last Fall, reuniting with my friends again and being a part of my church there. I had been planning this return every since I left seven months ago. After the DTS would end in December, my plan was to take an awesome job opportunity for one year with CURE International in Honduras, getting some international experience with nursing and continuing with my love of Spanish before starting school for nursing in Philly.

Well, God started changing my heart when I went to China in May. I was there, in the middle of real life medical care- watching surgery and helping with post-op care, watching a complete 180 take place in these children's lives. I was so fired up for more.

Shortly after I got home, I had a meeting with my boss at CURE about plans to start next January. In talking, I felt strongly that I was supposed to start with CURE and nursing training sooner and not return to Guatemala at this time. I couldn't figure out why- I had been planning this for so long. I've wanted to do a DTS since before I sent out one college application. Despite my wants, I knew that God was leading me in this direction, and as much as I was bummed, I was at the same time excited at the prospect of starting with CURE sooner. As I accepted this direction without at first really wanting to, I felt so at peace like never before, and I saw several reasons why this really was the right decision- there were some selfish reasons getting in the way before and I wasn't seeing clearly. Yes, I felt at peace while applying and planning to attend the DTS, but when that door starting closing, I kept pushing and was loosing my peace. I thought I had this all figured out. I needed to remember, one step at a time. Follow Him one step at a time. In sharing this change of plans with one of my friends, he simply quoted to me Proverbs 16:9: "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." That was it.

So that was settled and I would be moving to Honduras in mid-August. But there was one more thing. What were my new plans for the rest of this summer? Literally as soon as this this decision was made and before I had time to think about the next two months ahead of me, I got offered a job to work with kids in my own backyard- for exactly the next two months. Some dear friends of my family run a non-profit organization called The Ark, and they were getting ready to start their summer program working with at-risk kids in nine developments in our area. They needed another counselor for this program called Swim Pals, taking these kids to a variety of state parks and recreational parks, to connect with these kids and build relationships with them that will continue with The Ark for hopefully years to come. On top of this, I also was asked about tutoring Spanish-speaking kids one day a week for the summer. Could I ask for a better offer?!

The coolest part about this is that for a while it's been my prayer to be able to work with kids in our area in some way. I've had quite a bit of international experience, but I wanted to be able to reach out in this area where I grew up. I didn't give it too much thought, it was just something I had a desire to do but didn't know when or even if it would happen. To take a step back and look at God's perfect timing is very humbling. I mean, I got offered a job in exactly what I wanted to do, right when I needed it, for the exact amount of time that I needed it... How ashamed I am at how often I fret about the future, essentially saying I don't trust God's sovereignty in ever aspect of life at every moment. Why do I so often put the star-breathing, galaxy-making Creator of the universe in a box, doubting His sovereignty? Don't I realize that even if I can't see the way, He can?

I'm so thankful for this opportunity, for this little reminder He's given me that it's all in His hands whether I realize it or not. Getting to work with some great friends and getting to know some awesome kids. It's only the first week of work and I'm convinced that I'm going to learn as much, if not more than the student in the program. As I reflect on this gift, I pray that we can all remember His sovereignty in times when the darkness of whatever sort seems to have no end. Remember His timing is never wrong.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

-1 Peter 5:7

So, that's my update, and if you've stuck with the post to this point, I want to say I'm SORRY it's so long!

The Heart of The Matter

My mom recently gave me a good piece of advice, and in pondering it I've come to greatly appreciate its benefits. It's very simple yet very profound, because it can be of good use throughout one's entire life, really everyday. Basically, before making a decision in any situation, I need to ask myself, what's the motive behind my choice? Lately I've felt very bombarded with decisions, some being thrown at me without much time to think beforehand. Some are big, and many are small, but they are all decisions and they all affect myself, the people around me, and our futures. In feeling like I'm drowning in big decisions recently, this piece of advice has made me able to think more clearly and to choose wisely. The most important part of making a decision is knowing what the motivation of my choice is. Am I making this choice to get away from a situation that I need to face? Am I making this choice because of fear? Am I doing this to serve myself or to serve others? Is this people-pleasing or God-pleasing? It's not so much the action itself, but what's in the heart. Sometimes selfish motives get in the way, and sometimes the voices of others shouting out their opinions and advice can overwhelm and drown out the quiet whisper of His voice. I want to glean as much godly advice as I can from the people in my life, yet I don't want to be swayed by human opinion- I want to hear from God for myself and not have to always hear through the opinions of other people. I want to seek godly counsel and always remember, what's my motive? What is the motive behind the advice I'm being given? If there's one thing I know for sure it's that I don't want to miss out on anything that God has for me, whether my flesh likes it or hates it. I want all that He has for me, and I want my decisions to be aligned with His will. There is nothing that doesn't matter to God, whether something seems big or small, my every choice should be made out of selfless love toward others, with honoring God the goal. As Paul wrote in First Corinthians 10:23, everything may be permissible, but not everything is beneficial.
I, just like everyone, am not perfect and in this time on earth never will be, but praise the Lord that His grace is sufficient for me, that He can take my bad choices and use them for His honor in ways that I can't even imagine, that He desires to grant us His strength and guide us every step of the way.